1. F-ing tourists. The week of the Melbourne Cup horse race, they have a huge parade in downtown Melbourne. As I mentioned previously, I have a hard time remembering what a big deal the race is. Thus, I forgot about the parade and scheduled a meeting with some colleagues who work in a downtown office, and also happen to be expats. I hopped the tram into the city (just a couple blocks) and then the tram driver kicked us all off because the street was closed for the parade. I hopped out and started to walk to my destination, but the streets were packed - and with people who don't know to walk on the left side of the sidewalk. "F-ing tourists" I said to myself, "Learn to walk on the left." And then I started to laugh, since some days I still forget to walk on the left. And then I went back to my office and we had our meeting over the phone. "Oh right," my downtown colleagues said, "Melbourne Cup. That's why it's been so busy on the street outside our building today!"
2. Words you don't say, part 1. Australians are masters (or mistresses) of barbeque. They have a chain of stores dedicated to barbeques: Barbeques Galore. They are not grills, as I learned when I was recently shopping for one. If you say, "I'm looking to buy a grill" the sales people are confused. I can tell you this because they looked at me askance and there was a long awkward pause when I said it - the kind of look and pause which usually happens now only when I use words with an O in them. The MN "o" doesn't translate. They also don't say shrimp. If you want shrimp, you ask for prawns. Here's a little ad based on the Melbourne Cup to help you remember not to ask for shrimp: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0Pvzel3Zmdc
3. Words you don't say, part 2. A few weeks ago, a group of our master of evaluation students gathered on campus for a day of presentations about their capstone projects. Afterward, we went out for drinks at a nearby pub. Several of them had been in my first face to face class at the beginning of the year, and had kindly explained all kinds of Aussie-isms to me. They asked me how I was doing with understanding people and generally getting along. "Pretty well." I said. Then someone asked what about Australia still makes me uncomfortable. Without hesitation I said, "Asking for the toilet instead of the bathroom or restroom. Saying toilet just feels rude." And then I told them about my first week in Melbourne, when Janet and John took me out to dinner for the first time. We rode the tram from the office (first time on the tram), and I really had to pee, but I'd been holding it to make sure we caught the tram, etc. So we get settled in at the restaurant and I am bursting, so I ask our friendly Italian waiter where the restroom is - trying not to be too loud, while communicating the urgency of the situation. He begins to tell me the restaurant opened 3 years ago, and it's a family operation, they get all their _____ from Italy (by this point I stopped listening because it was clear he wasn't answering my question and I think my ears had actually filled with liquid). Janet, grasping the situation, said (in what seemed to me like quite a loud voice) "Toilet! She wants to go the toilet!" At which point Janet, John, and the waiter started laughing (I was afraid to) and the waiter pointed me in the right direction. Then we all laughed every time he came to our table for the rest of the evening. Since then, I've discovered it also works to say "I need to go to The Ladies'" which just seems less offensive, somehow.
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